MONEY....and Fertilty!!

Wow! What a day yesterday was! Very emotional day! Started out great, Leo took the day off we hung out talked and did some shopping.. Then I went and got blood work to see if i ovulated and then went to our fertility appt. Well the nurse comes in starts talking, were going threw our handouts and bam.. she lays the price on us.. 3000$ for 1 months worth of shots.. i pretty much wanted to cry right there...because i new deep down there was NO way we were going to afford that unless we took out a loan.. So we finished our class...and she told us to go to different pharmacy and price the meds..well we went to 4 different pharmacy and NOT 1 had this medication on hand our could even give us a price.. so we diced to go back to mayo's Pharmacy and just recheck the prices and to make sure insurance wouldn't cover anything.. well got there waited about 20 min to be told.. insurance will cover the medication that's 40$, but won't cover the 100$ shot..or the 3000$ shot. well by then my hopes were gone, lost..i was read and willing to give up..and live with the fact that i may not ever become a mother.. i cryed...then we had to go grocery shopping..after that all the way home.. i cryed... and cryed..and cryed!! Then we came home..and i decided to go the website that our nurse told me about... its called.. www.freedomdrug.com its 100% all fertility medication thats all they cover! So i did my research line looked at other places..and so far i believe... we might seem light at the tunnel.. freedomedrug has a program called compassionate care and its income based and they will give you 1 months worth of fertility medication for free.. so now, were waiting for paper work so i can fill it out and fax it back.. we do meet everything is just the matter of how fast they will process our paperwork. So keep our fingers crossed that this will work... Also if we for some odd reason don't qualify for that they also have something called Fertility assistt 2..that will help us also.. we have to pay 1 months worth of medication out of our own pocket and the next month if we don't get pregnant we can get 250$-500$ off our medication.... But the other good news.. there medication is so much cheaper.. ok the 3000$ medication is on -795$ threw this website! So a few weeks of saving out of the paycheck and should be able to afford it if we can't get the 1 months worth of free.........SO........Lets keep our fingers crossed.. I'm sick of let me downs and I'm sick of money being everything.... i just want us to get a break in life...because i know we deserve it!!

Random..............

I have a ton on my mind.. so i though i would type it!
This week/weekend...has been a emotional one.. nothing bad.. just my emotions are wacky..also being sick doesn't help it..
Leo and i got to spend alot of time together this week.. i really enjoyed it alto. We even had a chance to make dinner together..and boy it was one yummy homemade pizza, got to actually take the dogs for walks and just enjoy each others company.. trust me this was much needed.. Sat. we did a whole lot of nothing... was lazy, lazy, lazy... i was sick.. so i slept almost all day and he watched tv almost all day..... Sunday... went to the M.O.A to trade in my 90$ free Shoes thanks to DR.OZ and then i got sick at the mall, ya...not any fun.. we did a little more shopping then came home... We then watch tv and went to bed.... Got a phone call at 2:am Monday morning it was my stepbro Jacob calling to tell my my grandmother house was on fire, and that there was nothing let of it. Its so sad and makes me angry.. because its not like my family has tons of money to up and rebuild or buy a new home...............But.... all this can do i make our family stronger! We can make it threw anything!!..So needless to say... i didn't sleep much!! I wish i could be there to comfort my family.. but i can't...but i am there in thoughts and prayers!!
So......... Today... i have therapy at 10:00.....then doctor at 1:45 for these migraines that have been coming and going for the last 2 weeks.. i just can't take them anymore!!!.. I feel like i have a ton to do in the house..laundry, vacuuming, ect.. but i can't my energy is GONE...and I'm sick.....ugh!!! Maybe tuesday i will get some energy back.. .lord i hope so.......
Wed is another fertility appt, i get bloodwork done to see if i'm pregnant.. witch i'm100% sure i'm not..and then we have a class that teaches us about Gondatropin... So... i will be starting the road of Provera..(period pill) Then the road of shots for 7-12 days.. then many mayo appts inbetween!! it would be so awesome to get pregnant in one try.........but i won't keep my hopes to high!!
I'm going to go lay down for awhile.............................

Fertility Updates

Well!!!.. Had 2 fertility appt yesterday....
appt 1
vaginal ultrasound..yes TMI i know...they checked to make sure my body shed its old uterus lining.. when i had my period.. also to check my ovaries for no cyst..Both came back great.. My body did what it should and needed to do.. Good news there were NO cyst.. So that appt last maybe 20min at the most...
then a few hours later went and actually seen Dr.Stewart(my fertility doctor)
talked about all the options, Clomid, Gonadotropin, iui, ifv
Well i went in thinking we were going to just do provera(help induce a period) and clomid(help ovulate) so... when she said we were going to skip that step and do provera and Gondatropin, i was shocked.. in a good way don't get me wrong.. but wow.. a big step for us....
What is Gondatropin, your probably wondering........
Gondatropin treatment involves a series of injections and careful monitoring during each treatment cycle.

**HERE IS A LITTLE INFO YOU MAY OR MAYNOT UNDERSTAND**

Treatment: What to expect

Human menopausal gonadotropins (hMG) consist of follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) and luteinizing hormone (LH), while urofollitropin or recombinant FSH are made purely of FSH. Whichever you choose to be injected with for seven to 12 days will translate into a dose of FSH that'll prompt your ovaries to produce several eggs, whereas you normally produce only one a month.

After you receive those shots, you'll be injected with another substance called human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG), which will tell your ovaries to release your mature eggs into your fallopian tubes. If an egg meets up with a healthy sperm on its way to your uterus, you'll have a chance to conceive.

So...This is what we will be doing for 3-5 months... unless of course we get pregnant.. then we don't have to do it anymore...

I will be taking Provera and on day 2-3 of my period i will be starting my shots for 7-12 days..

the down fall about gonadotropin is there is a higher risk of multiple births.......but oh well what can you do...........

Also, Insurance doesn't pay for the medication so we will be paying for it out of our pocket so that sucks.. but....oh well.........

I go back to the doctor next wed, to the"teaching" class on gonadotropin and learn about it and how to give myself the shots... so exciting.. and scared!!!

But lets hope and pray it works... wouldn't it be nice if it worked after 1 round?!?!?!
keep your fingers crossed

Emotions..........

Emotions.... are all over the place...
happy, sad, upset, angry, moody...
There is a lot i need to say... but i won't say it.. i will keep it in myself..i don't like to hurt others..and if i do seem to say anything..it back fires on me and it seem to some how be my problem.. or it was my fault... So better off keep it inside..
i have another fertility appt on Tuesday.. not sure how i feel about that.. excited.. scared, sad.. ugh i dunno really..you would think i would be excited!!
but i know its a long emotional road i have ahead of me...

Lately.............

Its been a few days since i have wrote. Really Not much has changed...
I had a doctors appt last week, they upped my depression medication, to see if that will help with my moods, lets hope it does.. Also i am seeing a therapist every Monday, just to talk about stuff that has been bothering me..Renay and i spent Saturday together we went to Rochester went to an indoor sale.. and boy it was crowed and way to many people there.. we did hit one sale that had some really cute maturity clothes for a cheap price. So she made out with about 7 new shirts.. very cute shirts!! Then we had breakfast, and then did some more shopping.. but the time 1:30 rolled around we were both tired! Went went home she took a nap..and i relaxed with my Nephew Blaze..might i say is doing so well, he is such a strong little boy moves his head all around and his arms and feet.. He has the cutest smile.. Today he has appt with the neurologist. So lets hope and pray that goes just as well!
Sunday i relaxed and home with my sick hubby. So not much happen on Sunday
Today: Monday. I have an appt with Becky at 10:00 then come home and do some cleaning.. and going to make a roast for dinner! I hope my week goes fast.. We get Helen this weekend

I Would Die For That

Jenny was my best friend.
Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret
She just couldn't keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.

And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
To young to know that one day
She might live to regret.

But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.

I've been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We're told not to give up.
He wonders if it's him.
And I wonder if it's me.

All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won't understand it
If it's not meant to be.

Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I'd give up!
I would die for that.

Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."

I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die ...
I would die for that.

Today...........

Today I feel very tired and drained out..My Emotions are getting the best of me!
My emotions are crazy.. I'm happy, sad, angry, and tired..

I wish i was "normal" and i didn't have all his fertility problems. I wanted a child ever since Leo and I got married! Here we are 6 1/2 long, years and childless :o(
Happy, that were on the road to start treatment again.. Yippee.. however all the doctor appts, shots and test and medication not looking forward to all of that. I want things simple for me once in my life! However it doesn't seem to go like that for me, everything has to be difficult hard or stressful.
I'm scared, to finally get pregnant and something goes wrong. What will i do with myself? go into a severe depression.. but then there is what if i get pregnant and everything goes perfect and i have a happy and healthy baby!
Is it hard for me to see others pregnant, Yes! Does that mean that I'm not Happy for them? Heck no! I'm extremely happy for others, i don't wish infertility on no one! I hope and wish everyone could have a easy go lucky pregnancy and a healthy baby!
I love my Neice and Nephews and God Children with all my heart and sole! I'm luck to be surrounded with such amazing children, and family members who share there happiness with me!!! I'm blessed to have such support from my Family and Friends.
There is no way i could ever go threw all these emotions and doctors appointments alone!
I have days where everything is perfect i feel good, life is great... Then there are days when i wanna do nothing besides lay in bed, or sit in the bathtub and listen to music and cry.. I like to keep my gard up, i don't like to show my weakness to anyone. I want to be known as the strong one. Well... guess what everyone I'm not strong at all.......... i cry, and get angry, mad , jealous, I do have emotions........

If anyone has any questions on PCOS/ OR thanks they have it!! Do your research and get to the doctors!ESPECIALLY IF YOU WANT A FAMILY DOWN THE ROAD! You might be one of the lucky ones who get pregnant or.........have the long road of fertility treatments...